Comparison, it is something we all deal with. Without even realizing or thinking about it, we compare ourselves to those around us constantly. Strangers, friends, classmates, even our family, are all victims to comparison.
Comparison is defined as the consideration or estimate of similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.
“My kid would never do that.” “Why can’t my kid do that yet?” “My husband is so much more helpful.” “His wife is so much prettier than me.” “My car is so much nicer.” “I wish my house was decorated nicely like that.”
All day long, we compare. We compare homes, clothes, children, spouses even.
I’ve been trying to figure out the root cause of why people are constantly comparing up or down, and how it can affect people’s every day life.
When I talk to people that are caught in a cycle of comparing themselves to others, I notice it often is a way to make sense of their reality. How to make themselves feel more at ease or make their daily life more controllable.
But how does it feel to always be comparing? Nothing ever seems enough. We always want more, or the comparison can ruin what someone has.
Suddenly what we have doesn’t seem fulfilling. When we are comparing to other people, we lose sight of the beauty in our own reality. We lose what blessings are right in front of our own eyes!
So how do we combat this feeling of comparison? How do we stop the ever growing feeling of insufficient, being driven by comparison?
I have a couple tactics I like to employ when I find myself in the spiral:
- A surrender novena.
- A gratitude journal
A few years ago (almost 5) while planning a wedding the middle of Covid, there was a lot comparison going around. Other people had big weddings, the weddings of their dream, and mine would not be. I didn’t even know if my family could be there, and I would think back on all my friends weddings and all the special things they did, and it started to to weigh on my heart, and tried to ruin the actual day.
That’s when I found, my mom showed me tactic #1: the Surrender Novena. It’s simple, with daily meditations, and the same short prayer you pray 10 times every day. Immediately, I stared to realize that yes, my wedding would be different than others, and very different from what I wanted. However, I was still marrying the kind man I had prayed to meet, and thankfully got to have my family surround me. Every day I prayed it. Even after finishing the whole novena after nine days, I would start over again. It gave such peace, in a time of such turmoil.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still find myself comparing myself to others. Especially at Mass which seems so ridiculous, but also where the enemy wants to pull us away the hardest.
However, now I am armed with my simple little prayer that usually allows a deep breath of relief: “Jesus, I surrender my self to you, you take care of everything.”
Surrender. That will have to be saved for another day, but boy does surrendering to the Lord free the soul.
The second thing that helps in moments of comparison spiral is a gratitude journal.
One of my friends was in a place of sever strife. She had some very difficult things happen, and could have easily compared her life to others, and allowed herself to become bitter and depressed.
Instead, she became grateful. She tells me she would start even with the most simple things we never think about. “I’m grateful for legs to walk on.” “I’m grateful I have air in my lungs.” Eventually the feeling of gratitude would spread to everything. Even difficulties became something to be grateful for. Can’t have the light without darkness, right?
One lent I decided I was going to try to adopt this attitude. I got a simple note book and would write at least one thing I was grateful for. Believe me, there were some days it was harder than I anticipated. However, I noticed the comparison stopped being so controlling when I took a look at what I had. When I would close my eyes and go through my day, and really think about what I was grateful for.
So, comparison is so easy to fall into. We all do, and it is almost addictive.
But God doesn’t want us to sit and compare ourselves constantly to those around us. Instead He wants us to sit, and praise and thank Him for all he has done, and is doing in our lives. He wants us to remember He holds us in His mighty hands, and takes care of us always.
Just like the sparrow, we don’t need to worry, or compare ourselves. Instead we can surrender to Him, and be purposeful with our gratitude for all He has placed in our lives.
So, I challenge you to do one (or both) of these tactics when you start the comparison game:
- surrender Novena
- Gratitude journal
Let Our Lord show you how great He is in your life.
Praying for you.
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